Why I've Never Celebrated Valentine's Day

My husband and I have been married for 6 and a half years, and have been a couple now for over 10.  And we’ve never once celebrated Valentine’s Day.  I personally never liked the idea of it for several reasons, and then when I met my husband he didn’t like it either – we were perfect for each other. 

I remember twice reaffirming why I didn’t celebrate this holiday.  Once when I worked at a restaurant and another time in college.  At the restaurant we could only take so many reservations, so the longest waits we ever saw were on Valentine’s Day.  And instead of seeing a bunch of lovey dovey couples, I saw a lot of girls in heels standing for 2 hours waiting for a table.  Nothing says romance like standing in your best heels for 2 hours waiting for a table.  

In college, there were a lot of couples who had only recently become couples, yet they were so stressed over this one day.  I saw a handful break-up on or right before the actual celebration.  One friend came over to my room on Valentine’s Day and asked if she could hang out with me while her roommate was with her boyfriend - she was depressed that she didn't have a boyfriend.  She hadn't been depressed all year about not having a boyfriend, until Valentine's Day hit.

So here are some of my reasons why I’ve never celebrated Valentine’s Day:

Obligation/Expectation.  The entire day is surrounded by a cloud of obligation.  And with that obligation can bring you to the last minute, not thought out gift, which can be just as bad as if you had just forgotten the whole thing.  The day has also become one big expectation.  Everyone is expecting something to happen, which makes nothing that happens today a real surprise. 

Outrageous expectations.  If the man (why is it always the man) doesn’t outdo himself from the previous year the woman is somehow let down.  Similarly, the media and chick flicks have infiltrated this poor girl’s mind, so even if her man does do something really nice, she may have been expecting something she’s seen on Pinterest, a Katherine Heigl movie, or a Kay Jewelers ad.  Also, for the man who does do a great job outdoing himself and really wows his girl, this apparently gives all her friends ammunition for an argument with their own guys.  “So-and-so’s man did this for her!  And you only got me flowers!?”  We’ve all seen this. 

Singleness.   Since there’s no single’s people day, Valentine’s Day just doesn’t seem fair.  Valentine’s Day movies and media have created this unfortunate cliché of seeing the single people as “sad and lonely,” on Valentine’s Day, like my college friend.  Or worse seeing the single people drinking themselves to sleep on Valentine’s Day.  If you’re single, there’s nothing wrong with that.  And please don’t drink yourself to sleep tonight. 

In the Classroom.  A few years ago I went through some old boxes from my younger school years.  I found handfuls of Valentine’s from classmates from 20 years ago that went straight into the recycling bin.  It used to be where we could give Valentine’s cards to anyone we wanted.  Then I remember when a few teachers made us give Valentine’s to every single classmate, including the ones we didn’t like.  So I’d have to search through the cards picking out the least “lovey” for the kids I didn’t like.  Who else remembers doing that?  I’m sure kids are still doing it to this day.  Save some trees and skip this holiday teachers.  Giving a Valentine to the kid that picked on us wasn’t fun.

Twice a year.  I also never liked how this was it.  There’s your anniversary and Valentine’s Day.  The two days you are supposed to celebrate your love.  This never sat well with me.  My husband and I are constantly celebrating our love.  Little notes on the fridge.  Random love note texts.  Weekly date nights, even if it’s snuggled on the couch watching Netflix.  Making time for each other is an important part of any relationship.  There has to be more than just twice a year to remember how amazing our significant other is.  If not, you might not make it to Valentine’s Day anyways.

Am I saying you should stop celebrating Valentine's Day?  No, of course not.  I believe there is a way to celebrate this holiday and not be bogged down by what society has turned it into.  I know a lot of people who have cool traditions and do fun and amazing things on Valentine’s Day.  I’m just saying it’s not for me.  Every Valentine’s Day, I thank my husband for never celebrating Valentine’s Day with me, and instead making me feel special and loved throughout the whole year.  If you celebrate Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to let the things you do today become habits throughout the rest of the year.  Love is the best thing on this planet, it shouldn't be celebrated on just one day.  You can always use today as an excuse to spoil your kids like my mom does.  Thanks for always giving me presents on Valentine’s Day Mom!

Anybody else out there who doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day?

A Military Brat/Spouse

I never enlisted.  I’ve never been to boot camp.  But I’ve been in the Air Force my whole life. 

Before I was even born, my Father had already been through boot camp and was finishing up Officer Training School.  After 21 years of moving around and missing my Dad on holidays, birthdays, etc.,  I was glad to be “out” of the Air Force.  I was living in a dorm in Salisbury University and was just about to no longer be one of my Father’s dependents.  Then my fiancé joined the Air Force.  And I never got the chance to leave.  I simply went from being a Colonel’s dependent to a dependent of an Airman First Class.  

When I was younger it was tough to move around a lot.  I left a lot of friends behind.  And I remember crying several different times after Dad would tell us we were moving again. But as I got older I realized that while there may have been some things that were difficult about being a military brat, there were also a lot of good things about it too.  

Here’s my list of why I think why being a military brat and military spouse has been totally worth it:

1.    I would never have been to and lived in so many places all over the country.

I have lived in six states and 15 different houses, apartments, and even an RV for eight months.  If I average 15 different places with my age (28) that’s 1.86 moves every year.  And while the moves weren’t always that frequent, moving around became second nature to me.  In fact after my husband had been stationed in Arizona for 4 years I thought I might be going a little stir crazy.  I was so used to moving around.   Moving around when I was young not only prepared me for moving around as an adult, but it’s given me a chance to see a lot of really cool places in our country that otherwise I may not have gotten the chance to see.

2.  My very best friends wouldn’t be my very best friends.

I’ve met several lifelong friends at the different places my Dad was stationed.  Kathleen and I met in 1992 in 2^nd grade.  Lauren and I met in the summer of 1993.  Brittany and I met in 1995 in 4^th grade.  Chris and Jess were my husband's and my first couple friends and we met them while we were both stationed in Arizona.  All these wonderful people are still my dear friends to this day. 

3.   I probably would not have been home schooled.

After 6^th grade my Mom decided, between some bad experiences at school and us constantly moving, that she was going to homeschool my siblings and me.  I absolutely loved being homeschooled!  It completely shaped who I am, in a good way.  I recommend it to everyone, and if I ever have kids they’ll definitely be homeschooled.

4.   Health insurance

The military definitely has some perks, and health insurance is one of them.  Since fall 2007 I have had several health issues.  I had surgery on my left knee, then my right knee, and most recently I had cervical cancer.  Jon’s insurance fully covered and paid for all of my health issues. 

5.   Respect for every person who serves our country

I know that having been an Air Force dependent for 28 years has definitely played a huge role in the respect that I have for every single man and woman that decides to serve in our US Military.  I know that I couldn’t do it, and so I feel so much respect and love for those who do.

I read a statistic recently that said less than 1% of the American population will ever be in the Armed Forces.  It didn’t seem right to me at first, simply because most of the people I know have been or are in the military.  And even though less than 1% is a very small percentage, some of the best people I’ve ever known have been in the military.  I’m glad I could a part of the dependent club.   

My husband has decided to stay in until he can retire, which means if we ever have children then they too will have the privilege to grow up as Air Force dependents.  I only hope that I can teach them a thing or two about this lifestyle that I seem to be destined to lead.   

If you're a military brat or spouse what have you noticed has made the bad times worth it?  

8 Reasons Deployments Can Be Good For a Relationship

              My husband is in the Air Force and is currently deployed.  We have spent a lot of time in our 10 year relationship separated.  Not because we’ve chosen to be apart, but simply because that was where God had us at different times in our lives.  It’s all about the attitude you bring to the situation.  We could have easily called it quits years ago for the simple reason of not being near each other; however we knew we loved each other and a little distance couldn’t possibly mean the end for us. We've even noticed over the years how our times of separation have even been good for our relationship.  Here are the things we've noticed:

1.  The time we spend apart gives us a chance to work on ourselves.  Our relationship is made up of two different individuals who have now become one.  And even when you aren’t in a long distance relationship it’s important to spend some time working on yourself.  Being separated by distance is a good reminder that while you are one with this person, you are still an individual. 

2.  It gives us an excuse to fall in love with each other all over again.  Being apart reminds us of all the things we love about the other person.  This deployment we did something different; anytime we think of something we miss or love about the other, we write it down in a notebook.  When we’re back together we’re going to read our books to each other.

3.  We get to re-experience what it is like to be newlyweds.  When he gets home it’s like when we first got married.  All of a sudden we are spending all of our time together, always holding hands, sneaking kisses, and spending too much time in bed. 

4.  Our daily routine, that we took for granted, ends up becoming so special when he returns.  All the little things that were part of our everyday lives, when he comes home, become so much more than ‘little things,’ they become big things.  Waking up next to each other everyday.  Kissing each other goodbye every morning.  Making dinner together every night.  All those things become so special again. 

5.  It’s a reminder to rely on God and not just your spouse.  It’s easy sometimes to rely too much on your spouse when you’re always together.  When my husband leaves I’m always reminded that I can always rely on God, and what a wonderful reminder. 

6.  It builds our communication skills.   We are thankful for the technology we have today that allows us to talk at least once a day using messaging apps, and for Skype on the days when his internet isn’t acting up.  We are almost forced to become better communicators, and our better communication skills carry over when he gets home.

7.  It builds our trust.  We realized that the trust we have for each other has definitely been shaped by the time we’ve spent apart.  

8.  It gives us an excuse to write each other hand written letters.  There’s something so special about a hand written love letter.

Have any of you noticed anything good come out of a deployment or time of separation?  

Welcome

Hello to the world of bloggers and blog readers!  Welcome to my blog!

I'm 28 and I've been married for 6 1/2 years to my high school sweetheart.  I'm a military spouse/housewife, photographer, and writer.  Any hope that I have comes from being a Follower of Jesus.  

In June of 2012 I was in a doctor's office being told that I had cervical cancer.  After going through surgeries and constant check-ups, I can say, thankfully, that I'm now cancer free.  Since my cancer diagnosis, I've been on a journey to live a healthier lifestyle and to enjoy my life on this earth for whatever amount of time I've got left here. 

I have always loved to write.  I wrote my first  play at age 8, my first screenplays at age 14, and started writing novels at age 15.  I think it's only fitting I start a blog where I can hopefully inspire and encourage people along my journey, and even find some inspiration and encouragement myself from all of you wonderful people.  

So welcome to my blog.  This will be a place where I talk about faith, art, hope, healthy living, housewifey things, and trying to find the good in every situation, even cancer.

Percipience means 'a good understanding of things, perceptiveness, having perception, or discerning.'  I learned this word when one of my Photography Professors used it to describe my work back in college.  It's what I'll be doing here: perceiving life, in a hopeful way.